I decided it might be time!

The years are passing, and I am growing older.   Who would have thought thirty years ago that my small newsletter which I named "RoseMary's NoteBook"© would have become an older lady with me?   I had certain hopes but frankly I look back now and am slightly astounded to think that we have come this far.

Thirty years ago women were confronting discrimination.   Race, colour, gender, and my pet-focus at the time - size discrimination.    Have things changed in the years between?  I leave that to you to answer, for I am not quite sure.   In some ways, perhaps, in others definitely not.

That brings me to the situation as at now.   It was in chatting to a number of other women in my age group, and younger, that someone mentioned a couple of my small naIive motivational booklets that I wrote back in those early days.   While the majority of these booklets were focussed on building up the confidence of women-of-size, surprisingly many women of different faiths, cultures and race found the subject matter gave them the inspiration to strive forward, to seek acceptance, and to build upon self-esteem.   

So with that thought in mind, I've decided to allow some of these booklets to be included on this blog.   For while time has marched on, the subject matters dealt with during the past thirty years from my desk have remained constant.

Keep tuned ........

HOW DOES ONE ACT OUTRAGEOUSLY WHEN IN LOCKDOWN?

From the heading of this post one can easily see that being outrageous in lockdown is a little beyond a growing older lady.   In one way or another.

For we're allowed an hour for exercise.   Well that's terrific - if you are still mobile enough to stride along the beachfront (which I would dearly like to do), but with the years come not only some of the "slowing" probems but also increased pain.   Something we have to confront and face, and adjust to, and overcome if we are fortunate enough to do so.

But I am fortunate in having a mobility scooter.   A general little run-around scooter.   It's amazing just how many little corners, and streets and courts, that I find I enjoy wandering within.   

But sometimes I feel as though I would like to break into dance.   Under the large gum trees sprinkling right throughout this area of suburban Melbourne.   Mind you, if I dressed according to how I would like to express my "dance" then maybe I'd be charged with some sort of offence, but seriously I feel like putting on my sequinned neck to ankle garment that I wore when Belly Dancing - back in the good old days!   Believe me, a big girl can move really well when belly dancing!

So I'm left "dreaming", but dreaming is part and parcel of our lives.   And I like to think that even growing older shouldn't in any way impede our memories and our future dreams.  For dreams are essential to us as food and water.

 

MISSING OUT on some of the GOOD (FUN) THINGS

Growing Older to many women means "doing without" even more things and more often than what they've usually done in the past. Why?

I've been reading a lot of articles lately where women say they're becoming even more lonely than ever; they never have anything to look forward to; they feel as though they're sitting in a corner and nobody cares! If you're mobile, can get up into a bus without too much pain and discomfort; even have a car and can still drive, then there are some things that you can do to improve your daily plans.

There's much to be said for "volunteering" and this isn't a bad idea at all. Think about joining an auxiliary at your local hospital and "man" their kiosk or small cafe team; join a group of people who go visiting shut-ins; sit and talk with other women who are undergoing chemo or other treatments. Add your presence in working at a charity shop. If you like animals, offer to "pet-sit" occasionally. Ask your council about having your home address being added to the "Safe Houses" for school children to come to if they feel anxious about other people in the street at school home-time; you'll need a Police Clearance for this. All these things can be fun and you meet a lot of people - young and old.

If you're more outgoing, then why not put a notice up in the local coffee shop and invite other ladies to join you for say a Wednesday morning coffee-get-together at that same coffee shop. Make it even more interesting by trying out other coffee shops in the area and build up a small list of “favourites”.

Why not do an on-line course in a subject you have a special interest in, or a course at your local Neighborhood House.   There are many "hobby" classes available - painting, crafts, scrapbrooking, cake making; cookery etc. But then you're probably an expert in all of these things already, having done them during your earlier years. That’s not to say you wouldn’t enjoy upgrading your skills.  

Write a family Journal - everybody seems to be interested in genealogy at the moment, but it's sometimes the little personal anecdotes that are more interesting and important to family members.  Put your memories down on paper. Even if no-one else "seems" interested, then at least you will have performed something for your own pleasure.

KEEPING FOCUS! - PART III

Then the "woman in the mirror" tells us we're no longer important. We've let ourselves go; we've lost whatever attraction we may have had, and we're in a heap. Lines show in our faces; our hair is thin and grey; our figures - well! Gravity has had a grand time, hasn't it? So we're worn out - physically, emotionally and spiritually.

But wait a minute. Is it so hard to deal with? Is it impossible to overcome? Does it mean losing all sense of self and importance?

Even if along and "single", are there ways of getting back some sense of esteem and confidence? Can we see the silver lining in the dark clouds that block out our horizons?

Importantly, is there such a thing as "can't do"?

One of our team reminded us, again, of a little story heard as a child. The story of the little red train, trying to reach the top of the hill. She (we think of him as "she") was unsure of herself; she'd lost all confidence because she was overwhelmed by all the bigger trains who had lots more strength and energy and she felt afraid of failure. She told herself she'd never, ever, ever, reach the top of the hill.

But something inside her told her that she had the capacity to do anything she wanted to do, or even that she had to do, if she really wanted to. Her sense of "can't do" became "I can do, if I believe in myself." Self doubts attack us all. But like the little red train. Her mantra became "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can. In fact I KNOW I can. The more she thought about it, the more determined she became, until she actually huffed and puffed herself to the top of the hill.

We're like that. There are times when we feel defeated. When we just "can't reach the top of the hill. When everything around us is negative. And even our inner thoughts about ourselves are negative and we can't "see" that we have the power to turn the "can't" into a "can do."

We're not saying it's easy. Because it darn well isn't. And it takes a lot of determination and mindset to turn the tide. Is it worth it in the long run? Definitely.

It means learning to "keep focus". Focus on what's important in the whole picture. How we see ourselves and our lives and how we want to live our lives, for ourselves as well as our families. No excuses to others who want to have a piece of us and who are determined that we don't know best. No guilt feelings acquired from past experiences and carried through to "now". No wasting time!

The here and now is what it's about. YOURS and OURS. Here and now. We know we are accountable for our actions and our responsibilities to others. We also know that overcoming what seems to be insurmountable does more for our confidence that almost anything else. We KNOW that we'll be better people once we have overcome the negativity.

And the woman in the mirror will be grateful too. A new light will flash in her eyes, she will smile more often; she will let us see our "good" points more easily. She will enjoy herself, and in so doing, we'll enjoy ourselves too!

Because to age gracefully and graciously is something we all aim for; to age outrageously is something we want to do and look forward to doing.

A quotable quote:  Virginia Woolf 1882-1941.   With apologies to Virgina - we've changed the word "he" to "she" for the purpose of this post.

Each has her past shut in her 

like the leaves of a book known to her heart,

and her friends can only read the title.

'til next time

KEEPING FOCUS! Part II

In our travels and dealings with women we have come to the conclusion (of course there are exceptions to the rule), that most older women have, during most of the seasons of their lives, given to others excessively even to the point of sacrifice and neglect to themselves and their personal needs - of time, money, opportunities and lots of other things.

Now this is not an un-natural occurrence. As a child we defer to our parents and honor them for being who and what they are. Whether we like them (as well as love them) is sometimes debatable, but ....... As a growing teenager, we suddenly discover we can do lots of things outside of our parents rule-book (whether they know about it or not is another matter!), but we grow and learn and discover lots of new things, and sensations. As an adult we can quite often find ourselves responsible for other people, including parents, children, other family members, indeed even friends. We take on all these responsibilities with sensitivity and regard them as being privileges.

Then one morning we wake up, and life has changed - drastically and dramatically for us.

Our children (those of us who have them, bless their little hearts) have moved out, married and started their own families; our parents may have an even greater need of our attention and our love and care (and even though we get tired at the end of the day, we really wouldn't have it any other way, because the alternative is too horrid to think about !); our partners need not only more emotional care and support but also physical; and friends have a far greater need and call upon us to offer the shoulder more often plus a few tissues to help them through all of what's going on with, and in, their lives.

Some of us even find that what we thought was "firm" and long-standing, no longer is. Financial circumstances can set off all sorts of alarm bells inn our feelings of independence and security. Health problems rear their nasty little heads and cause us lots of sleepless nights. Marriages or relationships break down and so often we find we are beset with all sorts of problems never before imagined. We may find ourselves adrift without any support or encouragement from those people who are supposed to care - even family and friends. We may face the prospect of having to fight battles without the energy or resilience of youth. We set out to do what we must do because we've fought these same battles time and time again throughout our younger years. A case of deju vu. But now we're older, and we're much more tired.

To be continued .......                                                                   © Copyright N Parry, Victoria, Australia

KEEPING FOCUS!

Let's start off with the obvious. A woman goes through many phases as she grows from childhood through to a teenager, an adult and then an older woman. These changes influence & impact upon her life at all those particular points in time and travel with her into the future, sometimes bringing with them emotional reminders, both good and bad. These she either confronts & deals with or carries as baggage.

But for the majority of us all the "seasons" of womanhood are exciting, filled with promise and challenges plus a few pitfalls which we manage to struggle through and rise above when it's difficult but which we mainly sail happily through.

Then one day the face in the mirror that looks back at us, is unrecognisable. Experience, joys, hardship, worry, anxiety, the ups and downs of surviving in a world that may present hurdles and difficulties, show in our face and in our body. Gravity wears away at our looks and figures, and for some reason our mind undergoes a similar change. Not always for the better I might add. Yet it forms the opinion that the person in the mirror no longer deserves to be pampered or bothered about. Even as far as saying that the person no longer deserves respect.

With that decision, many subtle and not so subtle changes become habit. We take less care of our complexion, our hair, our hands and feet. We take less trouble in choosing clothing. Anything that fits (whether it suits us or not) will do! Many women even give up on their favourite past-times or leisure pursuits, including hobbies, and "retire". When I think about it, and I decided not to think about it too often a long time ago, "retire" is such a negative word! It's really not worth my attention, because by definition it means, to sit in a corner and rusticate! Isn't it better to "rest" when we need to, and to bustle around doing things when we choose to? As so often happens when a woman "retires" she loses her sense of being important, if not to others, then quite often to herself. Silly, isn't it?

And what happens is that women no longer see themselves as intelligent, articulate women deserving of having their opinions heard and respected. We also forget, far TOO often, that we are still sensual beings.

Is it wrong for us to "want" to wear makeup, to dress nicely, do things we want to do, go where we want to go, travel, undertake courses at TAFE or university, even?

Why not buy a new car, leave a failed and/or broken relationship, especially if that relationship has become violent and uncaring? Even, dare I say it, a lover?

Don't get me wrong - I have strong principles and ethics that direct my personal standards, but life is short, and it needs to be treated with the utmost respect, humility and affection.

Affection for life? Of course. It's a wonderful and unique thing - life. You can't make it, you can't copy it, you can't replace it. It's a gift to you and I believe, passionately, that because it is a gift, it should be treated with gentleness and total and unconditional love and respect.

To be continued .....