MISSING OUT on some of the GOOD (FUN) THINGS

Growing Older to many women means "doing without" even more things and more often than what they've usually done in the past. Why?

I've been reading a lot of articles lately where women say they're becoming even more lonely than ever; they never have anything to look forward to; they feel as though they're sitting in a corner and nobody cares! If you're mobile, can get up into a bus without too much pain and discomfort; even have a car and can still drive, then there are some things that you can do to improve your daily plans.

There's much to be said for "volunteering" and this isn't a bad idea at all. Think about joining an auxiliary at your local hospital and "man" their kiosk or small cafe team; join a group of people who go visiting shut-ins; sit and talk with other women who are undergoing chemo or other treatments. Add your presence in working at a charity shop. If you like animals, offer to "pet-sit" occasionally. Ask your council about having your home address being added to the "Safe Houses" for school children to come to if they feel anxious about other people in the street at school home-time; you'll need a Police Clearance for this. All these things can be fun and you meet a lot of people - young and old.

If you're more outgoing, then why not put a notice up in the local coffee shop and invite other ladies to join you for say a Wednesday morning coffee-get-together at that same coffee shop. Make it even more interesting by trying out other coffee shops in the area and build up a small list of “favourites”.

Why not do an on-line course in a subject you have a special interest in, or a course at your local Neighborhood House.   There are many "hobby" classes available - painting, crafts, scrapbrooking, cake making; cookery etc. But then you're probably an expert in all of these things already, having done them during your earlier years. That’s not to say you wouldn’t enjoy upgrading your skills.  

Write a family Journal - everybody seems to be interested in genealogy at the moment, but it's sometimes the little personal anecdotes that are more interesting and important to family members.  Put your memories down on paper. Even if no-one else "seems" interested, then at least you will have performed something for your own pleasure.

KEEPING FOCUS! - PART III

Then the "woman in the mirror" tells us we're no longer important. We've let ourselves go; we've lost whatever attraction we may have had, and we're in a heap. Lines show in our faces; our hair is thin and grey; our figures - well! Gravity has had a grand time, hasn't it? So we're worn out - physically, emotionally and spiritually.

But wait a minute. Is it so hard to deal with? Is it impossible to overcome? Does it mean losing all sense of self and importance?

Even if along and "single", are there ways of getting back some sense of esteem and confidence? Can we see the silver lining in the dark clouds that block out our horizons?

Importantly, is there such a thing as "can't do"?

One of our team reminded us, again, of a little story heard as a child. The story of the little red train, trying to reach the top of the hill. She (we think of him as "she") was unsure of herself; she'd lost all confidence because she was overwhelmed by all the bigger trains who had lots more strength and energy and she felt afraid of failure. She told herself she'd never, ever, ever, reach the top of the hill.

But something inside her told her that she had the capacity to do anything she wanted to do, or even that she had to do, if she really wanted to. Her sense of "can't do" became "I can do, if I believe in myself." Self doubts attack us all. But like the little red train. Her mantra became "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can. In fact I KNOW I can. The more she thought about it, the more determined she became, until she actually huffed and puffed herself to the top of the hill.

We're like that. There are times when we feel defeated. When we just "can't reach the top of the hill. When everything around us is negative. And even our inner thoughts about ourselves are negative and we can't "see" that we have the power to turn the "can't" into a "can do."

We're not saying it's easy. Because it darn well isn't. And it takes a lot of determination and mindset to turn the tide. Is it worth it in the long run? Definitely.

It means learning to "keep focus". Focus on what's important in the whole picture. How we see ourselves and our lives and how we want to live our lives, for ourselves as well as our families. No excuses to others who want to have a piece of us and who are determined that we don't know best. No guilt feelings acquired from past experiences and carried through to "now". No wasting time!

The here and now is what it's about. YOURS and OURS. Here and now. We know we are accountable for our actions and our responsibilities to others. We also know that overcoming what seems to be insurmountable does more for our confidence that almost anything else. We KNOW that we'll be better people once we have overcome the negativity.

And the woman in the mirror will be grateful too. A new light will flash in her eyes, she will smile more often; she will let us see our "good" points more easily. She will enjoy herself, and in so doing, we'll enjoy ourselves too!

Because to age gracefully and graciously is something we all aim for; to age outrageously is something we want to do and look forward to doing.

A quotable quote:  Virginia Woolf 1882-1941.   With apologies to Virgina - we've changed the word "he" to "she" for the purpose of this post.

Each has her past shut in her 

like the leaves of a book known to her heart,

and her friends can only read the title.

'til next time