I decided it might be time!

The years are passing, and I am growing older.   Who would have thought thirty years ago that my small newsletter which I named "RoseMary's NoteBook"© would have become an older lady with me?   I had certain hopes but frankly I look back now and am slightly astounded to think that we have come this far.

Thirty years ago women were confronting discrimination.   Race, colour, gender, and my pet-focus at the time - size discrimination.    Have things changed in the years between?  I leave that to you to answer, for I am not quite sure.   In some ways, perhaps, in others definitely not.

That brings me to the situation as at now.   It was in chatting to a number of other women in my age group, and younger, that someone mentioned a couple of my small naIive motivational booklets that I wrote back in those early days.   While the majority of these booklets were focussed on building up the confidence of women-of-size, surprisingly many women of different faiths, cultures and race found the subject matter gave them the inspiration to strive forward, to seek acceptance, and to build upon self-esteem.   

So with that thought in mind, I've decided to allow some of these booklets to be included on this blog.   For while time has marched on, the subject matters dealt with during the past thirty years from my desk have remained constant.

Keep tuned ........

HOW DOES ONE ACT OUTRAGEOUSLY WHEN IN LOCKDOWN?

From the heading of this post one can easily see that being outrageous in lockdown is a little beyond a growing older lady.   In one way or another.

For we're allowed an hour for exercise.   Well that's terrific - if you are still mobile enough to stride along the beachfront (which I would dearly like to do), but with the years come not only some of the "slowing" probems but also increased pain.   Something we have to confront and face, and adjust to, and overcome if we are fortunate enough to do so.

But I am fortunate in having a mobility scooter.   A general little run-around scooter.   It's amazing just how many little corners, and streets and courts, that I find I enjoy wandering within.   

But sometimes I feel as though I would like to break into dance.   Under the large gum trees sprinkling right throughout this area of suburban Melbourne.   Mind you, if I dressed according to how I would like to express my "dance" then maybe I'd be charged with some sort of offence, but seriously I feel like putting on my sequinned neck to ankle garment that I wore when Belly Dancing - back in the good old days!   Believe me, a big girl can move really well when belly dancing!

So I'm left "dreaming", but dreaming is part and parcel of our lives.   And I like to think that even growing older shouldn't in any way impede our memories and our future dreams.  For dreams are essential to us as food and water.

 

RECOGNISING BEAUTY FOR WHAT IT IS - AT WHATEVER AGE!

Miss Piggy probably said it best:

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder 

and it may be necessary from time to time 

to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye."

But let's seriously consider it.  It's a very old sentiment which has been around since the 3rd century and while many men have included that sentiment in their work (Shakespeare for one), the actual quotation "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" was first seen in print in 1878.  Margaret Wolfe Hungerford (nee Hamilton) who wrote many books often under the pseudonym of "The Duchess" wrote "Molly Bawn" in 1878 and used the phrase "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder".

And the saying and the meaning behind the saying is as pertinent today as it was when first penned.

You only have to look at the animal world to see that it's true.  Mothers just adore their off-spring and it's the same with us.  A new born babe will bring oohs and aahs and sighs of delights.

Take your surroundings - things of beauty dazzle our eyes every moment of every day.  Beautiful flowers, extraordinary sunsets.  The moon reflected on the water.  The sight of Uluru after it has rained.  The sound of a country stream merrily singing as it travels down a hillside.  The quietness and beauty of the forest.   Tiny little insects - ladybirds and the like, small birds learning to fly; the snuffling of a wombat.   We will spend time just watching their antics and movements.  Funny little kittens and puppy dogs.  Even little children as they try to walk and in doing so keep toppling over.

It's not only young things that are beautiful.  Oh yes, the body of a "gorgeous" young woman will bring similar oohs and aahs and in fact will convince other young women that they should emulate the beauty defined by the media while those of us who are older, smile and remember!

As far as "beauty" is concerned, where does that leave the growing older woman?  Or the woman in her prime - the 70s, 80s and 90s?

It's weird, but men seem to be besotted and enamoured by battered old rusty cars or utes.  They'll spend hours longingly cleaning them and doing them up.  But what do they do when their girl-friends or wives grow a little old and rusty?  Trade 'em in for a later model.  Crazy!

They may even cunningly suggest that she's let herself "go" and could do with a bit of Botox (or not!) which should be taken with a grain of salt.  What do you really want botox for?  To hide the life-experiences that show the world that you've lived?  We should never be taken for granted or persuaded to change our looks merely for the sake of "looking younger".  Why?  The hands and neck will tell the story anyway and no botox will help those areas.

(And anyway, do most of us actually KNOW what Botox is?  It is made from "botulinum toxin type A", a poison produced by the bacterium Clostridium botulinum, which causes botulism, a severe form of food poisoning. 

Botox is injected into the muscles used in frowning and raising the eyebrows to paralyze them and thus smooth out the wrinkles. Common side effects of Botox injection include droopy eyebrow or eyelid, headache, respiratory infection, flu syndrome, and nausea.)

To be continued .....

RETURNING TO THE FOLD

Introduction:   It is now 2020, some 5 years since I posted on this blog.  I'm not sure where the years have gone, of what I've done in betweentimes. However, we are now faced with the Coronavirus, and because this is something that we've not had to face before, (and history is quiet on this score as well), we are doing our best. 

With that said, I've decided to bring my blog up to date, with how an 80 plus year old, is dealing with this situation.   So please read on.

As we confront the Coronavirus pandemic, I’m sure you, like me,  are facing the prospects of very limited  availability of food and essentials, as the shops empty before the shelves have even been filled.  People are panic-buying and even fighting over articles in the supermarkets.  Anger is present in the process.    

As a consequence of my health and circumstances, and again like many thousands of others, I’ve been relying on shopping for my groceries On-Line, however both Coles and Woolworths are today advising that this facility is being “temporarily” cancelled in order to concentrate on the elderly and vulnerable, by which apparently they mean nursing homes, not older and vulnerable people who are striving to be independent.  What this actually means we have yet to find out.

Up until a fortnight ago I was able to catch the small village bus here to go to the nearest shopping centre Forest Hills a number of kms away, where I would purchase one or two articles which were not heavy to carry, but because the shops are almost empty before the bus arrives at the shopping centre, there is a big question mark as to how the older people are really coping.   This is where prayer for others comes into our thinking, for there are always people worse off than ourselves.

As you all know I do not “post” on FaceBook, and tend to rely on emails.   So I’d like to write a small sentence or two about something that happened to me this morning.

Riding my scooter across to the large Chemist Warehouse situated near where I live, I managed to buy a couple of “women’s essentials”, and learned that there was a limit placed upon them.   I accepted that because as I said earlier, there are many other people who need these items as much if not more than myself.   However, as I was coming out of the store, a delightful young lady who’d been behind me in the store, stopped me, and quietly asked, “Would you like me to get you another pack?”   I replied in the affirmative, and said that would be so kind of her.   Some minutes later she came out of the store, and placed TWO packs in my scooter basket.  I began handing her the money, but she said, “No, no thank you, it's a small gift.”   It took some convincing for her to accept a few dollars to put towards a cup of coffee for herself.    I sat there after she had left me to go to her car, unable to move, because of emotions that filled me.  It was her genuine kindness that had affected me.   

Little things.  But in the scheme of things for someone growing older and with increased loss of mobility, a very big thing.  

We are hearing through the media of so many negative stories.   Negativeness has a dreadful habit of dragging us down.   So when something positive occurs, it behoves us to share the story.

Have you recently had something positive done or said to you?   Would you care to share it?    

You see, people are beginning to get scared.   The drought, followed by the dreadful bushfires that raged through six States of this country for the five months from August through December, when people  lost their homes, their businesses, their farms, their orchards, and livestock,  to then be faced with the Coronavirus from January, has left people feeling insecure.   

“Lifting" each other by sharing positive stories is one way we can show that we care for each other.

'til next time

MISSING OUT on some of the GOOD (FUN) THINGS

Growing Older to many women means "doing without" even more things and more often than what they've usually done in the past. Why?

I've been reading a lot of articles lately where women say they're becoming even more lonely than ever; they never have anything to look forward to; they feel as though they're sitting in a corner and nobody cares! If you're mobile, can get up into a bus without too much pain and discomfort; even have a car and can still drive, then there are some things that you can do to improve your daily plans.

There's much to be said for "volunteering" and this isn't a bad idea at all. Think about joining an auxiliary at your local hospital and "man" their kiosk or small cafe team; join a group of people who go visiting shut-ins; sit and talk with other women who are undergoing chemo or other treatments. Add your presence in working at a charity shop. If you like animals, offer to "pet-sit" occasionally. Ask your council about having your home address being added to the "Safe Houses" for school children to come to if they feel anxious about other people in the street at school home-time; you'll need a Police Clearance for this. All these things can be fun and you meet a lot of people - young and old.

If you're more outgoing, then why not put a notice up in the local coffee shop and invite other ladies to join you for say a Wednesday morning coffee-get-together at that same coffee shop. Make it even more interesting by trying out other coffee shops in the area and build up a small list of “favourites”.

Why not do an on-line course in a subject you have a special interest in, or a course at your local Neighborhood House.   There are many "hobby" classes available - painting, crafts, scrapbrooking, cake making; cookery etc. But then you're probably an expert in all of these things already, having done them during your earlier years. That’s not to say you wouldn’t enjoy upgrading your skills.  

Write a family Journal - everybody seems to be interested in genealogy at the moment, but it's sometimes the little personal anecdotes that are more interesting and important to family members.  Put your memories down on paper. Even if no-one else "seems" interested, then at least you will have performed something for your own pleasure.

KEEPING FOCUS! - PART III

Then the "woman in the mirror" tells us we're no longer important. We've let ourselves go; we've lost whatever attraction we may have had, and we're in a heap. Lines show in our faces; our hair is thin and grey; our figures - well! Gravity has had a grand time, hasn't it? So we're worn out - physically, emotionally and spiritually.

But wait a minute. Is it so hard to deal with? Is it impossible to overcome? Does it mean losing all sense of self and importance?

Even if along and "single", are there ways of getting back some sense of esteem and confidence? Can we see the silver lining in the dark clouds that block out our horizons?

Importantly, is there such a thing as "can't do"?

One of our team reminded us, again, of a little story heard as a child. The story of the little red train, trying to reach the top of the hill. She (we think of him as "she") was unsure of herself; she'd lost all confidence because she was overwhelmed by all the bigger trains who had lots more strength and energy and she felt afraid of failure. She told herself she'd never, ever, ever, reach the top of the hill.

But something inside her told her that she had the capacity to do anything she wanted to do, or even that she had to do, if she really wanted to. Her sense of "can't do" became "I can do, if I believe in myself." Self doubts attack us all. But like the little red train. Her mantra became "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can. In fact I KNOW I can. The more she thought about it, the more determined she became, until she actually huffed and puffed herself to the top of the hill.

We're like that. There are times when we feel defeated. When we just "can't reach the top of the hill. When everything around us is negative. And even our inner thoughts about ourselves are negative and we can't "see" that we have the power to turn the "can't" into a "can do."

We're not saying it's easy. Because it darn well isn't. And it takes a lot of determination and mindset to turn the tide. Is it worth it in the long run? Definitely.

It means learning to "keep focus". Focus on what's important in the whole picture. How we see ourselves and our lives and how we want to live our lives, for ourselves as well as our families. No excuses to others who want to have a piece of us and who are determined that we don't know best. No guilt feelings acquired from past experiences and carried through to "now". No wasting time!

The here and now is what it's about. YOURS and OURS. Here and now. We know we are accountable for our actions and our responsibilities to others. We also know that overcoming what seems to be insurmountable does more for our confidence that almost anything else. We KNOW that we'll be better people once we have overcome the negativity.

And the woman in the mirror will be grateful too. A new light will flash in her eyes, she will smile more often; she will let us see our "good" points more easily. She will enjoy herself, and in so doing, we'll enjoy ourselves too!

Because to age gracefully and graciously is something we all aim for; to age outrageously is something we want to do and look forward to doing.

A quotable quote:  Virginia Woolf 1882-1941.   With apologies to Virgina - we've changed the word "he" to "she" for the purpose of this post.

Each has her past shut in her 

like the leaves of a book known to her heart,

and her friends can only read the title.

'til next time

KEEPING FOCUS! Part II

In our travels and dealings with women we have come to the conclusion (of course there are exceptions to the rule), that most older women have, during most of the seasons of their lives, given to others excessively even to the point of sacrifice and neglect to themselves and their personal needs - of time, money, opportunities and lots of other things.

Now this is not an un-natural occurrence. As a child we defer to our parents and honor them for being who and what they are. Whether we like them (as well as love them) is sometimes debatable, but ....... As a growing teenager, we suddenly discover we can do lots of things outside of our parents rule-book (whether they know about it or not is another matter!), but we grow and learn and discover lots of new things, and sensations. As an adult we can quite often find ourselves responsible for other people, including parents, children, other family members, indeed even friends. We take on all these responsibilities with sensitivity and regard them as being privileges.

Then one morning we wake up, and life has changed - drastically and dramatically for us.

Our children (those of us who have them, bless their little hearts) have moved out, married and started their own families; our parents may have an even greater need of our attention and our love and care (and even though we get tired at the end of the day, we really wouldn't have it any other way, because the alternative is too horrid to think about !); our partners need not only more emotional care and support but also physical; and friends have a far greater need and call upon us to offer the shoulder more often plus a few tissues to help them through all of what's going on with, and in, their lives.

Some of us even find that what we thought was "firm" and long-standing, no longer is. Financial circumstances can set off all sorts of alarm bells inn our feelings of independence and security. Health problems rear their nasty little heads and cause us lots of sleepless nights. Marriages or relationships break down and so often we find we are beset with all sorts of problems never before imagined. We may find ourselves adrift without any support or encouragement from those people who are supposed to care - even family and friends. We may face the prospect of having to fight battles without the energy or resilience of youth. We set out to do what we must do because we've fought these same battles time and time again throughout our younger years. A case of deju vu. But now we're older, and we're much more tired.

To be continued .......                                                                   © Copyright N Parry, Victoria, Australia